From an early age, I was taught a lot about how to love others correctly. Now before my you assume the worst of my small Christian family, let me clear some things up. Yes we believe in God, Yes we are white, upper-middle class, and yes, my family was close minded. Naturally, a family of this type has its setbacks but, I believe that many are misunderstood. I opened stating that I was taught how to love correctly. This is a direct counterargument to this misunderstanding. Many grow up thinking Christians, specifically Catholics just don’t want us having sex. This is simply incorrect. I’ve recently realized that I’ve been seeking out love for the last ten years and yep, it’s been a long journey trying to figure out exactly what that means.
Around fifth grade, I started to become more curious about the human body. Just like we discussed in class, with a lack of communication to our youth, pornography has become a greater source of sex education then parents, adults, and the awkward sex-ed teacher in 7th grade. The decision to seek this out was easily the worst decision of my life. To make a long story short, I quickly became addicted to pornography and found myself never getting enough of it. The early access to it because of the technology I had, was a crutch that I was stuck with. This addiction lasted heavily until the summer going into my sophomore year of college. This 10 year addiction that began with me wanting to know more about how sex worked ended with exactly that. My brain had become encapsulated with a false view of sex and made me seek out what I saw in pornography with my girlfriend.
This breaking point caused me to seek out more love in a positive way. Now I spend a lot of my time researching and teaching about the positive ways to look at love in a different way. I’ve learned through my own experience that the guys that I see around me are broken. They are hurt, weak, afraid, lonely, and sad. No, I don’t go around telling everyone porn should be illegal. However, I can now teach other guys like me what it means to be masculine. Not lifting weights and eating dirt like media shows us. Being strong means stepping up when the #metoo movement is joked about, not how big your biceps are. I can show others that real men don’t walk around trying to be “man enough” to do things. Are you man enough to tell him that silence is not consent? No, just because you love to bake cakes doesn’t make you gay. (Yes, this happened to me.) No, just because you are gay, it doesn’t make you less of a man. Media has overarchingly twisted my brain and heart, taught me to encapsulate my love and hold it inside. I’ve since stepped out of that box and learned how to share love with every person I come in contact with.
Literature & the Internet 